JUST DON’T PUSH ME AWAY

behind my wall lives a modern belarusian sculptor

every day he drinks half a bottle of vodka

and still does not look like an alcoholic

andriy—his name is andriy too—

is a very spiritual person no joke

what jokes can there be if you have to drink half a bottle of vodka daily

and not be an alcoholic at the same time

what jokes can there be?

he goes to bed very early and wakes up very early and thus

our communication is limited to three evening hours

but this is fully sufficient

to open up our souls to each other

and why should we be ashamed of our souls?

what do we have to open to each other

if not our souls?

any other conversation with him turns into a mockery

sometimes it seems to me that compared to him I look

incurably soulless

I am simply a soullessness champion

compared to him

he is simple, too simple in his daily life

far simpler than I

than any of my acquaintances

he goes to his studio in the morning leaving behind

the smell of simple eggs fried in simple lard

it is a joy for me to wake up and sense this simple smell

of the modern belarusian sculptor andriy

he is even talented in some otherworldly way

“grab a power tool and pound away” he jokes and laughs at his own joke

he works far more than I—from eight to five

and then comes home and drinks

and wonders why I don’t drink and starts opening to me

his soul

and then goes to sleep

just simply goes to sleep with an open soul

every night I’m scared of his sleepy screams

I think this is his open soul screaming

when in its sleep it overcomes the resistance of the material

pours wax into forms, tones the bronze, creates the patina

sometimes I start fantasizing

that he is my husband and I’m his wife

we sleep in separate rooms because

he is afraid of scaring me with his open soul

every night I wait for him to come back from the studio

all exhausted and then open his bottle of vodka

and I will give him something tasty to eat

say mashed potatoes with milk and butter

and we’ll make hot tea for ourselves

and he will again start opening his soul to me

grumble at modern art and ask for forgiveness for

disturbing me

and I always want to calm him down and I start

calming him down—no, what are you saying

don’t even think this—don’t even think

lean on me, don’t push away, just don’t push me away

Translated by Vitaly Chernetsky